One reader's dilemma

To preface: I was never skilled in flattery. But in another sense, make no mistake we both know I don’t consider myself to be mediocre

The saying that’s been overwritten so much I dread writing it here

“You were a chapter in my book but I was only a page in yours”

I wouldn’t know, I don’t read often

It’s another one of those things I keep telling myself I’ll do and never get to

Because the sensation of buying a new book is easier to reach than the reward of finishing one

I’ve grown up in a time of an infinite content sludge which conditioned our brains to spend less than 3 seconds before we decide media doesn’t stimulate us enough before we move onto the next

You seemed immune enough. Of course that appealed to me

Instead, you didn’t use TikTok. You loved film

For someone who skims through TikToks all day I sure have spent a lot of time replaying this movie. You didn’t believe me when I told you I like both forms of media.

But there’s no use in being a fan

Or in waiting for a sequel to a story without a climax

My realization in writing this is that it won’t reach its intended audience reassures me of the only sentence I’ll write here that matters

The truth is

The solution for a better story of my own isn’t to read more or watch more cinema, and we both know it

And it sure as hell isn’t to skim through TikToks either

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the luxury of being able to do either, or if I ultimately care to

I never wanted to be anything but a writer

And so,

I need to write more

Aside

Truthfully I merely skim because each letter overwhelms me

I retain that in my writer’s notes because I think you glanced over that fact

I hope so

Because had you read into it and still put the book down, that would make my story truly less interesting to you than I would wish it

I cope by telling myself you only saw the cover

So then why do I keep going back thinking maybe all along you were my only reader